Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy Go to a Baseball Game
The setting can best be described as Yankee Stadium.
The date, you ask? Midsummer, 1925.
The action begins now.
H: Hey, buddy, where are our seats?
L: They’re supposed to be around here somewhere.
H: If we don’t find them soon we’ll miss the whole game.
L: Don’t worry, I’ll get you a seat. I’m the brains of this operation.
H: Well, here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.
L: Shut your mouth, the seats are right over here.
Now that they are seated, Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy rise for our national anthem.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for our rendition of our nation’s anthem. This afternoon’s performance will be done by Louis Armstrong, the jazz singer.
L: You’re kidding me! I hate The Jazz Singer!
H: Just calm down, this guy’s pretty good.
L: I’m not too fond of Al Jolson, either.
1st Inning: Mr. Laurel gets a visit from an old friend.
H: That fellow two rows up looks pretty familiar, Stan.
L: What are you talking about now?
H: That man in Row K. I could swear I’ve seen him before.
L: Let me take a look. Oh, yeah! I know that guy. It’s my friend Phil. Hey Phil!
[Phil turns around]
L: Phil, it’s me, Stan Laurel!
Philip: Dear lord, Stan! How are you?
L: I’m alright. Come on up here, we’ve got a few extra seats.
[Phil comes up to their row]
H: Am I seeing what I think I see?
L: Philip, put some pants on!
2nd Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss the finer things in life.
H: I want a hot dog.
L: Me too.
H: Do you want to go to the stand with me, or should I just go myself?
L: Go yourself. You’re the one who wants the food.
H: But you just said…
L: It doesn’t matter what I said. I’ll hold your seat. Now go.
H: But I’ve only got $3.80.
L: Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
[Hands Hardy another buck]
L: There, that should cover it.
[A few minutes pass]
H: I’ve been gypped.
L: NOW what happened?
H: They wouldn’t let me have any giggle water.
L: What are you talking about?
H: I asked for two hot dogs and a beer, but they wouldn’t give me the drink.
L: Isn’t there some sort of PROHIBITION going on?
H: Oh yeah, good point.
3rd Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss our nation’s pastime
(baseball).
L: Let’s discuss baseball.
H: Alright.
L: Take a look around this park. It’s really grand.
H: Yeah, I can’t believe how many advertisements there are around here.
L: The team owners need to make a lot of money.
H: Yeah, these tickets were so expensive I had to buy them on an installment plan!
L: You need to get a decent job.
H: I don’t see anything happening for me in the near future. I know a guy named Hal who’s gonna’ look around for me though.
L: Anyway, these players are really great. And I doubt any one of ‘em is over 25.
H: Yeah, you gotta Get ‘Em Young.
4th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss their feelings about women.
L: These new gender roles are bothering me. The proportion of women working outside the home is increasing, here in the 1920’s. Women are asserting their freedom by discussing sex openly, wearing makeup, smoking, and shortening their hair and skirts.
H: You’re right, Stan, that’s almost a textbook definition of new gender roles in the 1920’s.
L: If I ever made a movie, there would NEVER be any dumb doras in them. They just can’t act. Women belong in the kitchen, making dinner and caring for children. PERHAPS making New York senatorial runs, but I make no promises.
H: Women are pretty. They can vote now, too.
L: I rallied against the 19th Amendment. Mrs. Catt and I had a frank discussion, to say the least. To say the most, she slapped me.
5th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy are running out of breathing room.
H: Is it just me, or is it a little crowded around here?
L: It’s crowded. That empty seat next to me is now filled with 27 German immigrants.
H: Perhaps something should be done about that. It seems like the whole world is packed into this city.
L: The census taken 5 years ago says that America now has over 100,000,000 people. I bet that number will start to go down soon though.
H: I’d like to live in California.
6th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss the birds and the bees.
H: Stan, there’s a bee on you.
L: Nevermind that. Let’s discuss the teens necking in the stands over there.
H: Oh, that’s horrible. In my day (October 17, 1916), people didn’t do that. America is losing its morality.
L: I blame the Internet.
H: The what?
L: Did I say something?
7th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss the foreign economic scene.
H: Wow! That was great hit!
L: And so, continuing our theme of the foreign economic scene, we should discuss the Dawes plan?
H: I’m afraid I don’t know anything about it.
L: Somehow I am not surprised. Dawes, a banker, proposed we lend money to the Germans, so they can then make money and pay back the French and British, who can then make money and pay back us. I think it’s a good system.
H: Why don’t we just pay the money right to Washington ourselves?
L: The diagram on the board wouldn’t look so cool.
H: What diagram?
L: I’m afraid I’m losing it.
8th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy discuss evolution.
L: Ollie, how’s the home team doing?
H: They’re up 4-2.
L: That’s good. They’re really evolving into a good club.
H: Stan, that was perfect introduction into what I wanted to discuss with you, namely, the Scopes trial in Tennessee. Have you thought at all about that?
L: As a matter of fact I have. I really think the evolution is just a natural fact of life. To deny it in schools is like sticking your head in the sand.
H: I don’t want to come from a monkey.
L: You stupid Fundamentalist. Don’t you think science is more important than your feelings?
H: I feel like crying.
9th Inning: Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy make their concluding remarks.
H: Well, I guess it’s about time we head home.
L: Yeah, it was a great game.
H: The Yanks really crushed ‘em.
L: So what now? Where, on our magical mystical trip through the universe, do we go? What is our next stop on this small blue marble we call “the Earth”?
H: The parking lot.
L: Let’s go.
Note: This dialogue was written with a high amount of tongue-in-cheek sarcasm. Please grade accordingly.